How Comparison Almost Stole My Joy

Did you know, years ago, what my night would consist of before sleep? I would lay in bed, turn off the light, set my alarm and then open Facebook and Instagram and scroll through, even though I did it probably 30 minutes ago. And did you know what my morning would consist of? I would open my eyes, and before I could even wipe the crusties, I would pick up my phone and open Facebook first, and then Instagram and scroll through again to see what I missed in the last 8 hours while I was asleep. It was never anything life-changing that I would miss and I never really knew what I was looking or hoping to see, but it was my routine. After a while, I could start feeling the effects on my body and my mental health. Even if I told myself I was only going on for a couple of minutes to look at something specific, a couple of minutes would turn into an hour, and subconsciously I was comparing myself to these lives (most people I didn’t even know) that are only captured for a moment. I was feeling worse about myself and my life before I even stepped foot out of bed! How unhealthy is that!

I traveled and was away so often for many months at a time and when I would return to my city, I would touch base with friends or come across people I knew for years, and have conversations, where I would listen to them talk about the house they just bought, or the engagement ring they just received or the morning sickness they keep having because of the pregnancy, and although I was always truly happy for everyone, I would start comparing my life, and start thinking about my age and where I should be in life at the moment vs. where I actually am. But that’s the keyword - SHOULD be - who says? society? I grew up in a generation where we believed after high school, you would go to University, after Uni you would get that great paying job, you would meet the love of your life, settle down in a beautiful house and have 2, 3 or maybe 5 kids; and that’s okay! But I had to continue reminding myself that if I didn’t follow that path, that’s okay too! Comparing my life to others was stealing the joy from my experiences.

No one is you and that is your super power

Everywhere you look now from social media to TV, newsstands, and Youtube, people are influencing, and I think it’s amazing that technology has become so big that people are able to live out their dreams and do what makes them happy; but if you are not happy with who you are, comparison can be a dangerous thing. There are so many factors when it comes to growth in your life, and comparison was something I knew I had to stop, and for me that meant self-love. It’s always easier said than done, you know, you see quotes and hear leaders or speakers talk about loving yourself, but doing the work takes effort, and I believe it’s an ongoing journey, but it’s a journey that I am beyond grateful I started on and recognized I even needed to start in the first place. Self-love to everyone can mean something different, but to me, it’s about embracing and accepting who I am. Understanding that me being 4’11 will never change haha. It’s about me speaking love to myself, and stopping with the negative self-talk. It’s about taking care of myself, mentally, spiritually, physically and emotionally. It’s about when I realize something or someone is bringing me down - to step away, whether it’s for that moment or to remove completely. It’s realizing that my morning and night routines can affect my life tremendously. It’s about realizing that God made me in his image and that I am valuable and worthy.

love-fall-yourself-quote

We are all so unique and beautiful in our own ways. We all have flaws. Nobody is as perfect as social media makes them seem.  Everybody is on their own journey, and everybody’s journey has completely different timelines. So if you ever get caught up comparing yourself because someone you know with the same age seems to be a little “further” then you; remember that everyone's timing is different. What is meant for them now, might not be meant for you at this time; and that is okay. You enjoy whatever season you are in your life and appreciate every moment.

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1 Comment

  1. This blog eloquently written is so true as to how I have felt many times…it was like you entered my brain and stole my transcript…meaning it’s as if I wrote these same words…I remember saying to somebody in early 2012… Gosh, I think I am suffering from Facebook Depression …always seeing other Facebooker’s appearing to look much more happier, doing far more travelling, meeting the man of their dreams…unlike mine that began to consist so much of me sitting in front of a VLT gambling machine…finding myself in a low low place with this gambling addiction, for far too many years (including still this current one) Always wondering when was the last time I knew how to dream and feel real joy!!! Wow, thank you my wise lil Sista… this blog is so like my story… because I too…in my last thing at night, 1st thing in morning, and most nights in the middle of the night…doing this horrible FB surfing…finding myself on 2-3 hr journey’s into the lives of many people…so many I did not know at all…yet somehow I was allowing their lives (fb keeping up appearance pics n posts) to influence and deplete me of my joy…my energy…my sleep..
    My all and all… Well, I am here to tell you God saw fit for me to fight my natural response to not go out in a social setting such as a community funeral this past weekend…(crazy thing is I am the weird one who loves a good funeral… this one attended of this awesome example of a man…and a great example of the true reality of blended families…was far by, one of the best I have ever ever attended) re the blended family….I have to say, unlike another unhealthy start in my early life…daily watching The Brady Bunch…and their always happy endings… which would scar me for years to follow of how easy it is to have this “happy” and “ease of life” we all live happily ever after… Well I like “The Murphy Bunch” version much better… I am soo grateful God saw fit in me getting some church in, and being a part of getting to the funeral and by doing so getting to know His man of God Mr Eric Murphy and this wonderful family… So tonight I am up scrolling through FB because my processing style is that I easily and initially get consumed with the people and things that touch my soul, and can’t get enough of them… I thank God my FB journey of examining deeper some of the Murphy’s to get a deeper look (re watching Bernadettes videos)…this led me to Jasmine’s blog…so much of it…is my life story…i.e “The Grass is Never Greener” Thanking you for your beautiful testimony and tribute at the funeral, and in these blog writings…they help me to reinforce Self love to know and embrace more and more each day that… I am Enough!!! And, So are you!!! Love and Peace… I pray that just maybe…I can use this to finally… move a whole lot faster… and further away from my start, middle night, and end of day routine that consists of the only form of physical workout being that I reach over to grab my cell phone as if I missed something in the last 4-8 hrs. Thank you Jasmine! May God hold you tight, along with your beautiful Mom, your siblings and the rest of The Murphy Bunch!! p.s. All I want now is to have a new addiction… to become so addicted to self love and taking the best care of me and, of course looking out for my family! Thanks again Jasmine!

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