Honestly, this post could go hand in hand with my comparison post that you can read here, but I wanted to be more transparent. I've been going through some changes in my life and I want to be authentic in my experiences and my writing, which is why this topic for a post has kept coming back to my mind.
I was recently working and living in Spain for 6 months, which was one of the most incredible experiences of my life considering Spain was always #1 on my bucket list to visit and I got the opportunity to actually LIVE there (#grateful). A lot of family/friends were following my journey through the photos and updates I’d post on FB or IG, but in the last month, while living in one of the most beautiful countries in the world my heart was aching because of a breakup with such an incredible person; but nobody following me knew that. Why? Because that’s how social media works isn’t it? We post all the highlights, forgetting that it’s only one moment in somebody’s entire day,
One day in somebody's entire life.
I’ve been so blessed and fortunate enough to travel for the past 7 years of my life. Through work and just pleasure. Which yeah, when speaking with people about places I've been, what I’ve seen and things I’ve done, it seems really cool; but don’t be jealous. We all have a story, a past and we are all living our lives the best way we know how. Yes, based on my FB profile, my life probably seems pretty awesome - which it is - but what people don’t see are the different emotions and challenges I’m faced with daily.
I eventually had to look at my intentions behind traveling. Was I doing it for the actual love of travel, or to escape? People wouldn’t understand that coming home to a place I was born and raised was one of the hardest things to do. I sometimes felt I didn't belong. Traveling can change you completely and awaken something in you, but I felt it was hard to relate to anyone I grew up with anymore. I was never home long enough to build those long-lasting friendships from middle or high school and it was a bit difficult to make new ones because I would end up leaving soon after. Now don’t get me wrong, I have a wonderful small circle of friends whom I am beyond grateful for and who are there for me in an instance, but they are also located all over the globe. I'm very wary of who I open up to and let into my life, so at times while traveling and going through hardships or even sick, it can get difficult not to have those family or friends around for that big hug letting you know 'everything will be okay.' So yeah, I lived a lot with a feeling of loneliness in a world filled with so many people.
I’d also sometimes come face to face with the feeling of self-doubt. There can be this pressure, this judgment that can come from a lot of people that see you aren’t living by societal ways. I don’t have a “steady” Mon- Fri job, I’m also 28 and not married or have kids. I sometimes receive comments like “Okay it’s time to stop and settle down now” or “So did you get an actual job yet” and my mind goes wild! Should I really stop? Am I getting too old? What’s an actual job?
Now, this isn’t a post to complain about my life or my experiences. I am so grateful and appreciate everything I’ve been through - including the struggles. It’s more so to let you know that the grass really is never greener on the other side. You come across posts/photos/people who SEEM like they have an incredible life. A perfect career, perfect family, perfect relationship..people who seem to have it all together and you start questioning your own. Please don’t. You are where you’re supposed to be at this moment! If you are unhappy with certain things - make the change. I meet people all the time who complain about the way their life is, but yet still just sitting on the couch all day.
Get up and do something!
It took me a lot of prayer, faith, forgiveness, and obedience to change my life and accept all the hardships that come along with it. I’ve learned how to be comfortable alone and enjoy my own company which I believe is SO important. I’ve learned how to appreciate every person's comment on what I should do with my life (knowing 97% of the people are looking out for my best interest) and take it with a smile and remember that I’m living for nobody else but God. I’ve learned that no matter how far I travel too, who I am and any feelings I am facing, will follow me. I can’t run from things. I’ve learned to face it all - head on. Sometimes it hurts, sometimes I cry, but what’s sunshine without a little rain? 🙂 So,
Water your own grass: Practice gratitude, appreciation, self-love, and self-worth. Take yourself on dates, pick up some hobbies, try new things, realize how special you are!
Cut it when you need too: Sometimes you grow apart from people, or you realize that you need to release certain people from your life and that’s okay! You are who you surround yourself with, remember that.
Watch it grow: I truly believe growth is one of the most beautiful things about life. Looking back on how far you’ve come, what you’ve overcome and learning from every experience and struggle you face.